lee_fallon | PSL - Post Mardi Gras Party

From here.

They take the stairs more slowly tonight than the did the first time they'd come here together, not quite in as big of a rush, and certainly more sober. Lee let's them in, but he doesn't move to take off his blazer this time, just goes into the kitchen, setting down the cup of glitter and going into his pantry. He's fitted it with a pretty reasonable system of wine racks, and the bottles of wine take up fifty percent of the space, the other half nearly empty because Lee is terrible about stocking food at home.

He looks through a few bottles until he finds a sweet Vouvray from 2014 that promises to be pretty good. It's not as high in alcohol as he promised Eric, but it will be very easy to drink, and quickly, so not a bad place to start. He pulls a Riesling while he's in there as well, and he takes both to the counter to remove the corks, smelling each cork as he pulls it from the bottle.

Taking down two glasses, he fills them a third of the way with the Vouvray. "Okay, this is just the tasting pour," Lee says, meeting Eric's eyes. "After I show you how to taste it, I'll fill the glass the rest of the way," he assures Eric.

"First things first, hold the glass by the stem, not the bowl, like this," he shows Eric, grabbing the stem of his own glass about half an inch from the bowl, hooking his index finger around it and securing it with his thumb. "Then you smell it," he goes on, tipping his glass close to his nose, taking a heavy inhalation of the wine's bouquet. "And once your nose is full of the smell, you take a little in your mouth. But don't swallow right away," he says, giving Eric a heated little grin. "Roll it around in your mouth for a minute, over your tongue, then swallow." He gives Eric a demonstration, taking a small sip, holding it in his mouth, tasting all the nuances of the flavors, then swallowing.

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"I'll be careful of it," I say, then kiss his neck. "Don't be scared. I know I've got a lot of balls saying that, but try not to be."

I kiss his neck again, running my lips up and down from his hair line to his shoulders, drinking the water from his skin. I don't want him to be scared more than anything. I get that chemo is a bitch and he's going to be sick and gross or whatever, but it'll be okay. I've made up my mind.

What I'm wondering is if it's worth it to go through it if he's going to get so sick and end up dying anyway. It's a stupid question. I'd do anything if it meant I'd get to live longer...and I want him to live as long as he can.

Lee let’s his neck relax, tipping his head back minutely as Eric kisses over his cervical spine and down along his shoulders, sighing at how calm it makes him feel, Eric’s touch and Eric’s kiss, Eric’s voice telling him not to be afraid.

Chemo doesn’t scare Lee much. Being sick is unpleasant, but this round is going to be easier having Eric around to make sure he eats. Between his two Erics, boyfriend and surrogate little brother, he probably won’t miss a meal. What he’s scared of is when the chemo stops working again, when his tumors start to grow instead of shrink. He’s still trying to find other, non-medical ways to prolong his life, magic, supernatural ways that only apply in this place. But if he’s going to be here, he’s going to take advantage of the opportunities it affords.

“I’m glad I’ll have you around this time,” Lee says, turning his head to look over his shoulder at Eric. “Being with you will help so much. You make me want to fight harder, to stay here with you as long as I can."

"I want you to stay," I say and my voice cracks with emotion when the words come out. It's really only now hitting me what I've signed on for. What if I do have to watch him die? Would that be better or worse than vanishing? I don't know...I just know, after my parents, I don't want anyone else around me to die, ever. Which isn't reasonable and I know it, but whatever.

Lee's head has moved back to neutral, looking away from Eric, and he's glad because it allows him to close his eyes against the rush of hurt the broken sound of Eric's voice causes. His heart isn't aching for himself, but for Eric; this is more than half of the reason he stopped getting involved with people romantically, because it's not fair to them in any way. He'll be gone, and as much as he doesn't want to die, he doesn't have a choice. Eric's starting to feel the weight of this, and Lee's not used to it by any stretch of the imagination, but this isn't the first time someone who loves him has faced the reality of the situation.

He can't stay standing with his back to Eric, so he turns around, pulls Eric into his arms, holding him close. "I know," he says, and he's not really responding to what Eric's said, though it does fit. What he's saying is he understands, and he wishes with all his heart he could change his fate. As it is, he's doing everything he can, more than he ever could before. He really hopes he'll find something, even if it only gives him one or two more years. Anything's better than months right now. He needs more time, so much more.

I can feel hot tears in my eyes but the spray hits me and runs off my face so it's not obvious I'm shedding any tears. I hug him, just holding on for a long moment, then I raise my head to kiss him again.

"This time chemo will work," I decide, like, you know, the determination of one stupid kid can really fight this monster that's eating him alive even as I hold him.

Lee nods, and he hopes Eric's not wrong, that the chemo will keep helping until Kavinsky or Molly or someone else (he knows Eric Bittle has been asking around too) tells him they've found something that will help him. "I will," he says, his voice strong and reassuring. "And I believe in the healing power of love too," he adds. It's not a lie; positive energy goes a long, long way, he's seen it in action. Lee has something, someone, to live for, someone who loves him. He knows that can't do anything but help.

I nod and then I kiss him again, harder this time. Hungry and desperate. I want him forever, not weeks, not even months. I want to make a life and have gardens and a house and have the cats and be married and I want to go places and do thing. Everything. I need him in my life and as I push against him and devour his tongue I'm sure he can tell how much.

The surge of passion is sudden and it takes Lee a second to catch up, but once he does he shifts so he can cup Eric's face in both hands and kiss him back just as deeply. He can feel the force of Eric's will, like he can keep Lee here with him just by wanting it badly enough. Lee's going to hold on too, going to dig his heels in and cling with his fingernails, turn and run when he sees Susan coming to take him through her grandfather's garden to the other side. He holds Eric against him and kisses him and the water's going a little cold now but he doesn't want to let go, to stop. Not ever.

Kissing him like this is getting me hard again and the fast-cooling water is a real bummer because as my dick twitches, it recoils, too.

"Baby, it's cold," I say into his mouth. "My dick's shrinking," I add with a giggle.

Lee laughs into the kiss himself, then he reaches around Eric to shut off the water, but doesn't move to get out of the shower, just goes right back to Eric's mouth, kissing him again for a long few seconds before he pulls back for a breath. "Do you want to order food yet, or put it off for a bit?" he asks, trying to gauge where Eric is as far as his desire for eating or smoking or something sexual, or at least what order he wants to do those things in.

"Yeah, food, I think," I say. "And get warmed up a little. Um...would you mind if I stay the night again? I'll set my alarm so I don't have to scramble out like I did last time."

I kind of love that he's giving me the choice. I want him, to kiss him, but we can get a pizza ordered and then just kiss on the sofa. That would be nice. Something lazy and slow and soft. I like that. I want that more than anything.

"Of course not," Lee replies, pulling back the shower curtain and reaching out to get a towel and hand it over to Eric. "At this point I sort of assume you will," he adds with a smile as he reaches for his own towel. "You don't have to, but you're always welcome to, okay?"

Drying his body quickly, Lee steps out of the shower and rubs the towel over his head, just to get the excess water out of his hair. Then he offers Eric a hand to help him out as well. "I should get you a key," Lee says, thinking out loud.

"I'll get you a key to my place, too. And toothbrushes, so we can each have one wherever we stay," I say, but I'm thinking this won't be very long. We're getting married, I'll get him out of this shithole apartment and into my sweet little house, we'll be married and it'll be good.

It's a good idea and Lee liked it a lot, being able to go back and forth, be flexible. He likes Eric's house and he thinks eventually they'll live there together, though the fact that Eric bought it with Todd makes him feel a little like a usurper. He wonders if Eric would mind letting Lee do a very little bit of redecorating, just to add his own touch.

Done drying, Lee hangs his towel and waits for Eric to do the same. "The only downside of ordering pizza is we have to put pants on," he jokes softly. "But I suppose it's worth it in the long run. I really like pizza."

I tuck my towel around my waist and laugh softly.

"Fuck pants. The delivery driver's seen me in a towel a million times. Or my underpants. I don't give a fuck," I say with a shit eating grin. I grab my jacket and pull it on and in just that, jacket and towel, I head for the door. "You order, I'm going to smoke."

Lee smiles and shakes his head fondly, something in the back of his mind thinking about bad porn plots with a pizza delivery guy and a customer who doesn't have enough money, 'can he pay another way?' He doesn't think Eric's ever done anything like that, but he sort of likes the idea as far as a potential role play.

He watches Eric go out the door and then goes for his phone, calling and ordering a large pizza with all the veggies, paying with his bank card. When he's done, he goes and pours a glass of the Riesling he opened earlier, having a sip and waiting for Eric to come back in and join him.

It's not too cold, but it's cold. My feet are bare and it has me dancing back and forth on the mat. The nice thing about taking a smoke break is having a little time to think. Or to not think, you know? Just kind of clear my head and just let myself feel good.

I don't know how I got so lucky. I don't know why we were both at Semele's that night. I don't know what possessed me to buy him a drink or pie or smoke him out or kiss him. I don't know what it was, the alignment of the stars? I don't know. But I'm in love and just thinking about him makes me fucking giddy. So happy. So happy I don't even know what to do with this. He's going to ask me to marry him. He's going to ask me to marry him.

My cigarette mostly burns out in my fingers, I barely even smoke it as I think. Think of the shape of him. The smell of him. The taste of him. I'm, like, drunk on him and it feels better than anything I've ever taken. This is so intense, so hot. Why did I ever ask him if I could get him a drink? I don't even know. Because he was cute and looked as lonely as me, maybe. I don't know.

I'm so glad I did, though.

I flick my butt out to the rocks and go back inside, the heat and softness of the carpet making my frozen toes throb.

"It's fucking cold out there. I'm rethinking pants."

Lee sets his glass down on the counter when Eric comes back in the apartment and he thinks about Eric coming home every night, of them living in the same place, of Lee getting a real job and growing old together and getting to have a whole life. Lee hasn't had a hope for this kind of life in twelve years, and he loves and hates how much he wants it.

"Come here, baby," he says, walking around the counter and opening his arms to Eric. He can smell the cigarette smoke on Eric's skin, and as awful as it is, he's already started to associate the smell with Eric, and the sense memory makes his stomach go right with a little flash of arousal.

I dump my jacket and hitch my towel as I cross to him. He's so beautiful that it takes my breath away. His eyes, his hips...so fucking gorgeous.

I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder.

"This feels like coming home," I say softly.

Lee knows that Eric means him, not the house, and it makes his chest feel warm with happiness and love. He wraps his arms around Eric’s shoulders and holds him, his palms rubbing warmth into the skin of Eric’s back. “I know what you mean,” he says, nuzzling the side of Eric’s face. “I love this,” he adds, pressing a kiss to Eric’s hairline. “I want to keep it. I want to keep you,” he whispers into Eric’s ear.

"I'm all yours. You can't scrape me off," I reply, settling in with my head on his shoulder. It feels good to hold him and to be held. No one's just held me in a really long time. Lee makes me feel safe and secure in a way I'd never I could feel again after my parents.

Lee stops rubbing at Eric’s back and shoulders, wrapping his arms tightly around Eric again, just holding him close. He believes what Eric says, but there’s a fear that everything is suddenly going to change, that Eric will come to his senses and realize that Lee is too old for him, or that he can’t deal with the cancer. Of course all those things are fair and Lee can’t make Eric stay if he doesn’t want to, but Lee’s so invested, so in love, and he’s not ready for it to end, now or ever.

“God, I love you,” he says, his eyes closed and his heart on his sleeve. “I really love you."

"Yeah. Yeah, me too," I say softly. "I love you so much. It's intense, you know? Hot and fast and crystal clear. Like I've been waiting my whole life to meet you. You're the one, Philippe," I add, barely a whisper, then I turn my head so I can kiss his neck.

Lee almost laughs, because he hasn’t heard someone who wasn’t his mother use his real name in years, but he also shivers for the same reason. It’s intimate, that name, and it belong to Eric now. He’s the only person in Darrow who knows his full name, and it feels meaningful and important. He takes a deep breath, sliding his fingers into Eric’s hair. “I feel like I’ve been waiting to meet you too,” he admits softly. “I want you to have everything, Eric. Every part of me, everything you need."

That's when I move up his neck, along the line of his jaw, and then kiss him soundly, swallowing all his wishes and promises to make them mine. Every word he says, mine. Every thought he has, mine. I lay my claim and I'm never letting go.

And then there's a knock at the door and let go of him like he burns.

"Pizza!" I grin and dash for the door, in my towel of course.