lee_fallon | PSL - The Wedding Night

It's late by the time they get home, after dark, a little tipsy from the wine they drank at Semele's but not so much so that Eric couldn't drive. They walk to their door and Lee, who's had a bit more wine than Eric because of the afore mentioned driving, is itching to touch his brand new husband, his hands wrapping around Eric's middle as Eric works to unlock the door, head falling to kiss the side of Eric's neck.

He know he's hindering the progress of the door being opened, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to stop touching, stop kissing, and so he keeps mouthing at Eric's pulse point, one hand dragging up Eric's shirt in the front to palm his belly.

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"Shh, baby, shh...it's okay," I say when I realize he's crying. I reach to wipe the tears off his cheeks before any more can drip on me. I hug him tighter with my legs, digging my heels in a little.

"I love you, too. I love you so much. I'm all yours, Lee. All in. And you're mine and I'm not letting you go," I promise. It comes out jerky, in gasps, and I wish it could say more, say it pretty, say it like it feels. But this feels too big, too massive to even be put into words. Love. Love's a good word but it's not big enough. And maybe I'm just fucking stupid but I don't even know a bigger, better word for it.

"Come in me," I whisper. "That's what I want most. I want you in me. Come on, baby. Please. Come on..."

Eric looks so beautiful and sweet and young beneath Lee, his big, wide eyes staring up into Lee’s, and Lee can’t believe this incredible person wants him, wants him enough to be married to him. There’s a part of him that wonders if everything will change when the shine starts to come off, if Eric will start to think he’s made a mistake, but he hopes not, he hopes he’ll just get better and they’ll be happy and Eric will still look at him this way.

Pressing his forehead against Eric’s, he keeps his eyes locked on Eric’s as he focuses on the feeling at the base of his spine, the slow burn of his orgasm building and building. He can’t help the way his eyes flood again, but he’s so in love, and he’s so scared it’s going to end too soon. He never, ever wants it to end.

His breath hitches and he trembles, his hips stuttering as he chases his climax, a few more broken thrusts and he’s coming, pushed up deep and spilling himself inside Eric, filling him up. His breath sobs out of him, and he presses his face into Eric’s neck, hiding his face and the fresh wash of his tears.

I hold him then, arms and legs wound around him so he can't get away. I'm never going to let him get away, not until...well, til death do us part. But I don't want to think about that right now. I don't want to think about cancer or dying when he's alive and well, his heart pounding so hard I can feel it against my chest.

"I love you, baby. I love you," I whisper, one hand creeping up to hold the back of his head. I can feel the way he starts to flag, not quite as solid inside me as a moment ago, but I like it. I like everything about him and this. Making love. Fuckin' new to me.

Lee keeps his face tucked against the side of Eric’s neck for a few more moments, and then he stars kissing Eric there, tasting the salt on his skin, Lee’s tears and Eric’s sweat. He trails his mouth up along Eric’s jaw, then finds his mouth, kissing him sweetly, deeply. “I’m sorry,” he says against Eric’s lips, his eyes fluttering open a few seconds later. “For crying,” he clarifies. “I know it’s not very sexy."

"Shh, it's okay," I promise him, touching his face gently. I trace the curve of his brow, then the shape of his cheek bone and finally the line of his jaw.

"God, you're beautiful," I tell him. "How did I get so fucking lucky to find you and have you all for my own? How is that even possible?"

Lee feels his face go a little warm when Eric calls him beautiful, and he doesn’t know how someone who looks like Eric could think that about him, but there’s nothing insincere about Eric’s tone, about the expression on his face.

“I feel the same way,” he says with a watery smile. “You’re gorgeous, Eric. You’re amazing and alive and you have so much time in front of you,” he goes on. “Why do you want to be stuck with me?” he asks with a broken laugh.

"I don't think I'm stuck, old man," I tease. "I think I'm right where I want to be. I love you. You're amazing. You are. Amazing."

I steal another kiss, then I look at him and wet my lips.

"I could ask you the same question, you know. Why'd you want to be stuck with some dumb kid who doesn't know shit about...shit?"

“It doesn’t matter what you know or don’t know,” Lee replies, loving that they’re having this conversation right in the middle of having sex as a married couple for the first time, further proving to Lee that this isn’t just a physical thing between them, that it’s so much more than that. “You love me,” he goes on, shaking his head softly. “And I love you. That’s all that matters to me.”

Taking a breath, Lee leans down to press his own kiss to Eric’s lips. “This is exactly the life I always wanted,” he says softly. “Meet a guy, fall in love, get married, grow old together. I gave up on that yeas ago, but then I met you,” he says. “And the night we met, you said, if you were me, you wouldn’t keep yourself from falling in love, that you’d use every last second you had left to be as happy as possible.”

He has to stop and swallow, emotions clogging his throat again. “Then you gave that to me,” he finishes, unable to keep the quaver out of his voice.

I hug him tight and hold him close, too overcome to really say anything. This is all too good to be true, and yet it is. It's true and real and I have him and I'm never letting go. I close my eyes as the rims begin to burn and I can't keep from tearing up. Fucking sexy. I'm sure we're quite the picture, naked and tangled and crying our asses off. Hot.

But it's real. Nothing I've ever done in my life has been as real as this.

"I love you," I tell him, my voice tight and high as I try not to actually cry.

Lee's a little relieved that Eric is as moved by this as he is, and he turns his head to kiss the side of Eric's neck, then his cheek, then his mouth, slow and warm.

"I'm sorry this got so emotional," Lee says when he finally draws out of the kiss. "I mean, you haven't even come yet," he adds with a laugh. By now Lee's cock has slipped out of Eric's body, and neither of them are hard really, but Lee is nowhere near ready to be done with this for tonight.

"Do you want to move at all?" he asks softly, reaching up to brush his fingers over Eric's cheek.

"I don't even care," I tell him, draping my arms around him heavily so I can just enjoy kissing him. I mean, yeah, I want to get off, but right now that doesn't seem half as important as talking and having this connection that feels like it's physically tying my heart to his. How can I possibly be so fucking lucky to fall in love with this man and have him love me so fiercely in return? I don't even know, but I'm not going to question it and I'm certainly not going to complain. This, here, with the weight of him on me and my arms around him is like, fuckin'- I don't know. Perfect. It's perfect.

Lee smiles at Eric's reply, and he settles in for a long string of kisses, slow and deep, languid and aimless. This isn't about sex, it's about sharing their hearts with each other, connecting and becoming one. They're bound together now, legally yes, but also in the commitment they've made to each other. They've promised each other forever, and even if Lee's part of that isn't very long, in his soul it's a lot longer than weeks or months. If something miraculous happens and Lee beats his cancer, he isn't going to change his mind. Eric is it, the one, and he'll be devoted for Eric until his very last breath.

They kiss for a long time, and when Lee finally pulls back to take a breath and meet Eric's eyes, his lips are tingling and swollen, and Eric's look dark pink and bee-stung, even more inviting than usual. Lee lifts a hand, his thumb brushing over Eric's cheekbone, down along the side of his face and over his jaw, down the center of his throat.

"You're so beautiful," he says, his eyes moving over Lee's face, admiring every plane, the soft mocha of his skin, his long, dark eyelashes, his soulful eyes.

Kissing him is like heaven, but when he pulls away and looks at me like that it makes my chest ache and my stomach flip. Like, I can see him loving me, in love with me, and I never thought anyone would ever feel this way about me. I just, well, I didn't give up, but being here I just never thought about it. And now he's here, he's mine, and he loves me. And he thinks I'm beautiful- I'm not sure I am with tears smeared on my cheeks, but I believe him anyway.

"I love you, Lee. I love you so much," I say softly. "You are everything I could have ever hoped for. Dream come true, or whatever. I really mean it."

Lee laughs once softly when Eric calls him a dream come true, and though Lee knows there’s a lot that’s pretty far from perfect, he honestly feels the same way. “I still can’t believe this is happening to me,” Lee says, shifting just a little to rest some of his weight against the bed, cupping Eric’s jaw with his hand. “I wish I’d met you a little sooner,” he admits. “I know the decisions we both made brought us here, but I’m so greedy. I want so much time with you.”

Sighing, Lee tucks his face up against Eric’s, kissing the soft skin of Eric’s cheek. “I don’t think forever would even be enough time."

"Yeah. Beyond forever. Eternal," I reply, nuzzling against him the best that I can. "But we've got this right now. Live in the moment. Make every minute count. That's what we're doing. No waiting. No messing around. If you want something, baby, anything, we'll make it happen. Okay?"

Lee nods, but he honestly can’t think of anything he wants more than just a life with Eric, even if it’s infinitely shorter than the one he wishes he could have. “All I want right now is to have sex with you until we’re too tired to go on, then wake up in your arms tomorrow and know this isn’t just an amazing dream,” he says, his fingers moving down along the side of Eric’s neck, feeling his pulse there beneath the skin.

He takes a breath, drawing aimless patterns on Eric’s throat and chest. “Did you ever think about what your life would be like if you got married?” he asks softly.

"Lee...I always figured I'd kill myself before I turned twenty five. So...no," I tell him. Figure I might as well be honest. "I've never thought much about even having a future until I came here. And even here, I figured I'd get high on the wrong shit or drink myself to death. When Todd vanished I almost did it. I can't even tell you why I didn't. I have the razor blade..."

I notice how I get quieter and quieter, ashamed at the very thought of suicide when my husband is dying of cancer and has no choice in the matter. Like, how fucking selfish, I think. I never thought of it as selfish before. Just a way out. Since my parents died I've just wanted a way out.

And now I suddenly have everything to live for. I have real happiness and real love. I have Lee and he takes everything toxic in me and renders it neutral.

"...I'm sorry," I say and sob as I start to cry again, out of the blue. I'm so fucking glad he can't read my mind.

It isn’t at all what Lee’s expecting, and it’s raw and scary enough that it steals the air from Lee’s lungs, makes his chest physically hurt. Lee’s been dying for over a decade, though it wasn’t a sure thing until a few years ago, and it’s made him occasionally reckless, but he’s never thought about ending his own life. Even the prospect of the unbearable pain that comes with what’s ultimately going to kill him, his liver or his lungs failing, hasn’t made him consider cutting things prematurely short.

“What happens when I’m gone?” he hears himself say, and it’s not where he thought he’d go first, but he’s suddenly very terrified that, by being here, but falling in love with Eric, he’s going to have a hand in Eric’s eventual suicide. He doesn’t go on, doesn’t push the issue, just shifts so he can lay back and pull Eric against him, cradle Eric against his chest.

“You don’t have to live for me,” Lee tells Eric, his hands on Eric’s back, the back of his neck. “You don’t have to promise me anything. But there’s a lot to live for, always."

"I don't want to think about it," I say, just a little too fast maybe. I don't want to think about what happens when he dies. We have now and that's what's important to me. Now. Not tomorrow, not when he starts chemo, not when he gets sicker. Now.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lee, I never should have told you that. I'm a mess. I'm such a mess. You're going to figure that out so I might as well just tell you. And I'm sorry. But...I don't want to talk about dying. Not on our wedding night. Tomorrow or something, but not now. Just...just kiss me. Make me shut up," I plead.

Lee shakes his head, because everyone is fucked up in their own way, everyone has damage and baggage and dark places they don’t show most people. Lee’s had a pretty good life outside his cancer and the things that have come with it, but he has broken things inside him too. Eric’s young, and he’s been through a lot, losing his parents, being so utterly mistreated by someone who pretends to be his friend, but Lee can’t go back in time and fix those things. All he can do is be here for Eric now, and keep working on finding a way to make that happen for as long as possible.

“You should tell me everything,” Lee says, holding Eric’s face up with one hand, staring into his eyes. “Not right now, not tonight, but I want to know everything, Eric. I want to know you, good things and bad things. I’m in love with you, all of you, okay?” he says, his voice strong and genuine. He leans in then and kisses Eric hard, pouring all of that love into it, returning all the support and optimism that Eric has given him into the gesture, warm and passionate.

I can feel it in his kiss, just how much he loves me. That he accepts me, bumps and bruises and all. That whatever my damage is, he accepts it and he's not going to judge me or hate me or leave me. We're in this together and I'd known that but in this moment, in this kiss, I really know it. I wrap my arms around him and pull him down to the bed, shifting so I can lay half on top of him and pour all my fear out and let him fill me with love and positive energy.

I'm so fucked up. I try to not be. I try to be positive, and I'm a god person. I'm kind and generous, I have a smile for everyone and I'm willing to let people in. But there's something black and rotten inside me. My parents' deaths really fucked me up and I'm still not okay. Sometimes I can be so hateful, so spiteful. Sometimes I'm shitty for no reason. Sometimes I drink too much and get too high. I mean, shit, even with Lee- that first night what did I do? I took a total stranger to smoke a bowl. If we hadn't fallen in love so fast and so hard that night would have been another tragic chapter in the depressing story of my life.

Instead, I, like, won the fucking lottery. Jackpot winner. I have Lee and right now he's kissing me and all that shit, all the pain and rot means nothing when he's kissing me like this. I feel good and whole. I feel light. Right.

"I love you," I whisper between kisses. "I love you so much, Mr. Preston..."

Lee can’t help the little sob that works its way out of him when Eric calls him Mr. Preston, still caught by what it all means, that they went out today and got married, that they’re bound together on a level they’ll never be with anyone else again. Lee wants this, refuses to let it go, doesn’t want to spend a second of the rest of his life without Eric by his side. It’s crazy and fast, but the feelings are real and deep, and they’ve only gotten stronger from that first night. Lee’s had a lot of one night stands, a lot of sex with random strangers, but this was never that. Even if they’d only had sex that one time, there was a connection, one they both felt. It was important and good, and Lee’s so glad he and Eric are here now, together, not giving a shit what anyone else says. It’s no one’s business but their own.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Lee pants against Eric’s mouth, holding Eric close against him, their hearts racing side by side. They kiss and kiss, and it’s passionate and deep and full of meaning. Lee would be more than happy to just stay here forever, holding Eric, kissing him, shutting out the world outside.

I whimper softly into the kisses, my fingers clutching at him to pull him close. I need him and that realization hits me like a truck. I need him like air now and that I need him so much scares me. Not enough to scare me off, but enough to make me realize maybe we should...I don't know. There's no slowing down or going back. Maybe we should figure out how to turn the flame of boiling, though.

And then the kisses don't stop and my worries and fears fuzz out and my mind clouds over and need becomes want and I want him so much it makes me ache. My dick throbs back to life and my balls instantly are sore from being put off before. I squirm close against him and begin to rut, kissing him harder, wordlessly seeking more. I want him so much. I want him and I know there's not a reason in the world I can't have him.

The heat between them shifts, and it happens so easily and organically that Lee can’t even pinpoint when it happened, when it went from a heated emotional need to a burning physical want. All Lee knows is that Eric is hard, achingly so, his cock thick and insistent against Lee’s hip, and Lee hauls Eric over, pulling him between Lee’s thighs. Lee bends his knees, bracketing Eric’s pelvis, giving Eric silent permission to take whatever he wants. There’s no need for Eric to ask because every part of Lee belongs to Eric, every inch of his body, every corner of his heart.

Lee’s fingers twine in Eric’s hair, holding his mouth close, their kisses rough and wet and deep. This is everything, it’s all Lee wants, and he feels like it’s all Eric wants too, this connection, physical, emotional, spiritual. Lee isn’t going to let anything come between them, is even going to fight against death, because he wants a fucking life with this man, he wants happily ever after. He knows it won’t always be smooth, but he’s going to try as hard as he can to get close.

God, how am I so lucky? He knows exactly what I need exactly when I need it. I nestle in against him and rut slowly, the head of my dick nudging at his balls. I can't stop kissing him so I can't really grab for the lube, but that's okay because kissing him is like heaven. I could kiss him forever and be happy. I do have a thought that maybe he knows where it is so I ask into his mouth, "Lube?"

My hands roam his body and I brace on one elbow and hang onto his shoulder. We always wind up here, naked and needy. I've never had such unbelievably mind-blowing sex in my life. It's like my whole life I didn't know how good it could be and now that I do know I want it all the fucking time.