AU - Evening at Lee's Apartment

[lee_fallon]

It's been a mediocre day. Lee'd gone for treatment, which had been more tedious than usual because of uncooperative veins (and he has a bruise on his right arm the size of a peach to show for it), but he'd also done a six mile run that had felt better than any recent ones he could remember. He had a feeling his extracurricular cardio (sex) had at least a little something to do with it, and thinking about it made him smile.

As soon as he got home, he sent Connor a text message, mostly to say hi and ask if maybe he'd want to come by later for dinner. Lee didn't cook much these days, but he had some packaged noodles and he was very adept at ordering for takeout.

He didn't do this much, invite Connor over for something that sounded like it could be a date more than a hookup. But they were friends (if the kind with benefits), and Lee felt like he could use some company. Connor had been busy lately with school (and what sounded like an unpaid job for a lawyer who frankly scared the hell out of Lee), so there was a good chance he wouldn't be available, but Lee had been thinking about it all afternoon and thought he might as well take the chance.

Comments

[lee_fallon]

"Shallow? No," Lee replies, his eyes on Connor's face. "More like driven. I can't even imagine what law school must be like." He shakes his head, then takes a sip of his wine.

"Do you know what I got my degree in? Business and restaurant management," he tells Connor once he's swallowed. "Talk about shallow."

[goodforonce]

Connor shakes his head, a smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"Useful," he says. "I got my degree in Literature because I love books, waned to go to Harvard but then I figured I'd better make myself useful. So. Middleton."

[lee_fallon]

"A Literature degree from Harvard has got to be useful on its own," Lee replies, still more than a little impressed by Connor's credentials. He pauses a moment, contemplating, then asks, "What made you decide you wanted to be a lawyer? Besides wanting to be useful?"

[goodforonce]

"If you want to end up an adjunct professor somewhere, maybe," he says, grinning. "But can you really see me pulling that off? I do not look great in cardigans." He shrugs. "My dad was a lawyer. He always did pretty well for himself."

[lee_fallon]

"I bet you'd look really hot in a cardigan," Lee disagrees with a heated smile. "Maybe a bow tie too," he jokes, though honestly the idea does actually sound pretty to him.

"That's great, taking after your father like that," Lee says. "I didn't know my dad, but I ended up taking after my mother's brother. The bar I own back home used to be his."

[goodforonce]

"My dad died my first year at Harvard," says Connor, and he leans in against Lee when he says it. "Just my Mom and Gemma now. Gemma's kids and her husband." He loves his niece and nephew and it shows on his face when he says it. "What's your bar like? You've never told me much about it."

[lee_fallon]

"I'm sorry to hear about your dad," Lee says, reaching down to find Connor's knee and squeeze it in sympathy. His own father was still alive, as far as he knew. He just hadn't seen him in over twenty years.

"It's a wine bar," Lee tells Connor. "My uncle opened it in 1996, and I worked there through college, started managing it after I had my degree." He pauses, because he hasn't told Connor about his illness and now could be a good time, but when he thinks about how to say it, he clams up.

"I became part owner in 2001, and then I bought out his share in 2005 when he retired. It's all mine now," he says with a proud smile.

[goodforonce]

He's past needing sympathy for the loss of his dad, but the warmth in Lee's voice is welcome anyway. He smiles, skims his fingers over the back of Lee's hand, idly drawing a pattern on Lee's skin as he talks. "What's it like though, man. Describe it to me."

[lee_fallon]

"Oh," Lee replies, sighing softly at the feeling of Connor's touch on the back of his hand. "It's not a big place, but it's got a warm, modern vibe without being really pretentious. It's sort of on the edge of the city, away from the Bourbon Street crowd. It's sort of a French inspired style," he tries to describe. "If you ever make it to New Orleans, you should stop by. It's called Quatre-Vin Seize."

[goodforonce]

Connor lets his eyes slip closed as Lee talks, trying to picture it. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"That sounds great." He opens his eyes. "Really."

[lee_fallon]

Lee can't help the smile that crosses his face at Connor's response, and he squeezes Connor's knee again. There's a brief flash of regret that goes through him then, at not having met Connor until now. His timing is fucking terrible.

He's about to say something when there's a knock at the door. "Dinner's here," he say, patting Connor's thigh before using it to push himself standing. He places his wine glass on the coffee table and goes to collect their takeout, signing the credit card receipt and then carrying the food back to the table. He goes to the kitchen to get plates and silverware, and they spend a few moment in silence dividing up the food before they sit back and begin to eat.

[goodforonce]

Connor settles back with his food, thorough enjoying every single bite. Conversation lulls for a little while, the air heavy with spice.

"God," says Connor, finally, forced into taking a break. "This is delicious. Good call, right?"

[lee_fallon]

"Amazing call," Lee agrees, swallowing his most recent bite and wiping his mouth on a napkin. "I used to eat a lot more Indian food when I was a vegetarian," he says. "Most of it wasn't this good, though."

[goodforonce]

"How long were you vegetarian for?" says Connor, who's pretty sure he couldn't get away with being vegetarian with the way his family eats. He pauses, taking a sip of his beer.

It's a surprise to find himself genuinely interested.

[lee_fallon]

"Oh, a long time," Lee replies, trying to think back to when he'd started as he takes a bite of some naan. "Hmm, probably ten years?" he says, making a guess. "I didn't mind it at all, but I ended up with anemia, so I had to start eating meat again a couple of years ago."

[goodforonce]

"You are a better man than me, Lee Fallon," says Connor, lifting his bottle in a lazy toast. "I'm not sure I could stick to anything that long."

[lee_fallon]

Lee tips his wine glass at Connor in kind and then takes a sip. "I had good motivation," he replies, licking his lips. "I feel like a person can do anything if the payoff is good enough."

[goodforonce]

"Am I allowed to ask what the motivation is?" he asks, head tilted slightly. "Or was, at least? What made the pay-off worth it?"

[lee_fallon]

Here it is again, a question Lee can answer the easy way, or he can bite the bullet and tell Connor the truth. He has a bad feeling Connor won't like hearing it now, as long as Lee's been keeping it to himself, but eventually he's going to have to know, one way or another. And some of the alternatives would be much worse.

"It was a health thing," Lee says, starting off vague, because he can already feel himself shaking internally at all of the ways Connor could take this. He clears his throat. "I found out I was sick and my doctor at the time suggested I eat more cleanly. To give me a better chance of, uh... well staying healthier for longer."

[goodforonce]

One thought goes through Connor's head. HIV, like a bullet. He knows it's not such a big deal anymore, that PrEP is effective. He blinks, takes another swallow of his beer.

"Should I have done a course of PrEP before we started sleeping together?"

[lee_fallon]

The question isn't at all what Lee's expecting, and it catches him off guard entirely. Thinking about the things they've done together, what they let themselves do when they were on their vacation, even just the idea that Connor would think he'd do that if he had HIV makes him feel sick.

"No, no," he replies, setting down his wine. "I don't have HIV. I would have told you way at the start if that's what it was."

[goodforonce]

Connor lets out a shivering breath that he's ashamed of himself for holding. He sets down his beer and his plate, runs one hand over his beer.

"Not HIV," he says. "So...what is it? If I can ask."

[lee_fallon]

Lee takes a breath. He hasn't told anyone new about this in a long time. "I have cancer," he says, and the sound of his own voice saying it out loud makes his ears ring.

[goodforonce]

"Oh, shit," he says. He breathes out, staring at Lee for a moment. He's aware that he's supposed to be reacting to it - that there's a way not to be an asshole here. "What kind?" He frowns. "Can I ask that? Is that...shit, is that okay?"

[lee_fallon]

Lee nods, and he breathes a sort of laugh, one that doesn't have a lot of humor in it. "It's melanoma," he tells Connor, feeling bile rising in the back of his throat. "Stage four," he adds, because he might as well get that out of the way.